It’s a natural reaction, those butterflies that float in your stomach. No, don’t get me wrong. Not that I haven’t done it before. I’ve always been a free spirit. I chart my own journey. Follow my heart. Rely on my instincts. Surround myself with a good dose of faith and prayers and, voila! I’m all set for whatever comes my way.
The more they tell me, I can't do it. The more I tell myself, I can do it.Some people must have thought I am insane. To give up what I have and start a new life. Somewhere out there. Like from scratch. They asked me am I not afraid. I’m no robot. Of course I am scared! A little, perhaps. Who wouldn’t be, right? But I am not the person who gets so easily attached to material things. You work for a living, you don't live to work.
So, what am I doing now? Here's the catch. A few years back, I have been distracted with thoughts of giving up some things for someone. In fact I really did give up many things. You know, the familiar words you’ve often heard to people who’s been there and done that.
Yes, that was me. If there’s such a thing called as drug-crazed. I was love-crazed. It's like you opened a bottle of perfume, soak your senses in it and you forgot to put the cap back on. In short, you lose yourself, unintentionally. But yes, when you’re in-love you’re suppose to grow in the relationship and not expire from it.
But I’m good now. So good I want to jump and run all over the place and thank God a million times for giving me the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. In fact, the first indication that I was on the right track again was when I eventually felt that I looked so ugly because I chose to wallow in my misery rather than thank the stars for showing me the reality of it all. Looking back, I must have looked like a tea bag immersed in a cup of hot water for like eons, looking wrinkled and oh-so-ugly.
So I put on some make-up, comb my hair, put on my favorite jeans and high heels, head myself to the department store. I bought a fabulous red dress and all the trappings of a beautiful woman. That day, I dropped by the adoration chapel at the Cathedral once again and had a very nice and heartfelt one-on-one talk with God. I told Him, Father, I’m back. This crazy, lovable daughter of yours is back. Please give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change and give me a chance to see this world in a child's eyes again.
And God did tell me, “ Joyce, my dear, it’s high time for you to buy yourself a new red matte lipstick because the world needs your beautiful presence. “
In short,our kind Dad, just gave me an enlightenment, a light at the end of the tunnel. Now that I'm all good and I can take a look back at it with a smile on my face, I think I must have looked really foolish during those times. But no, I don't regret it. I'm glad I learned a lot from my mistakes. It made me stronger and more wiser. And always remember this, whenever I put on my favorie red matte lipstick and I'm wearing a red dress, it means, I'm up to something. I'm ready to slay dragons and monsters with a gorgeous smile on my lips, girl. Why red? Because red is such a vibrant color. It radiates with energy and all the awesome goodness of positivity. And yes, it kicks like red hot chili peppers.
After all, if I'm going to be a winner and get photographed at the end, I'll act the part down to the last details.My red lipstick got me covered.
I've made peace with myself and this is the last one that I need to do. For the love of me, myself and I, I want to make Joyce (the loving, funny, free-spirited, tough cookie part of me), happy by letting her fulfill her yearnings for adventures in life. I owe her a lot and this journey is the grandest of them all. It is said that bad memories are there to remind us that the only way to forget a bad memory is to create happy ones. This change of environment and meeting new people is a part of it all.
I mean business because I just had a haircut. When I'm about to make a life-changing decision, I always cut my hair. I like my hair fabulously beautiful. I take good care of it like a baby but when I'm about to go into something life changing, I give it a not just a snip here or there. I chop it off like pork chops. (Aside from the fact that it takes a lot of courage to keep a long hair like mine which weighs like one kilo.) Everytime I cut my hair drastically short, like a bob, my friends know, I'm up to something. It's like a rite of passage for me. A symbolic thing to do. And mind you, it works great for me. All the time.
So now ladies and gentlemen, all my bags are packed. I’m ready to go.
Just think of it this way, if leaving your comfort zones give you butterflies in the stomach because of the fear of the unknown, it also brings a certain excitement to the senses. Just think about it. The prospect of seeing new landscapes, meeting new friends, exploring a new world different from the previous ones you’ve been to, it is such an attraction to me that my heart almost palpitates.
The prospect of the idea that you will be out in the world, unfamiliar surroundings, charting your new course and just trying to figure out whether taking a train is better than taking a taxi to a place where you have never known whether your favorite cinnamon rolls are available, is something pretty challenging to me. When put in a situation where you have to survive and be happy, you have no choice, but to choose the right thing.
Choose life. Choose integrity. Choose faith. Choose happiness. No but’s. No if’s. No hesitation. No in-betweens. No whatsoever.
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