All The Single Ladies

Lately everybody, I think, is busy getting married except me.

I’ve made invitations, helped bake a wedding cake, be the events coordinator of my friends' weddings, shared good natured jokes about married life with them. And as always, when everything turns to the idea of how happy it is to be married to the person you love, they turn to me and ask me, so Joyce what are you waiting for? When are you getting married?

That question is no stranger to me anymore.

Í already have the date of my wedding, it will be a Sunday affair, 6p.m. Year is yet to be determined. Now all I have to do is find myself a groom.

If I could just choose the man of my dreams and haul him straight to the altar without him filing a case of kidnapping against me, I would gladly say, I found the one. I would gladly do it, with much gusto in fact!

The only problem is I still haven’t purchase a reliable baseball bat to use for my prospective groom. Just so when he happens to pass right before my nose, I can just weld my mighty baseball bat and strike the living daylights out of him. Drag him to the altar and get married. When he wakes up, he doesn’t have any choice but to accept his faith and love me until thy kingdom comes.

My love story would be an adventure for sure.

I met with a girlfriend yesterday and she was “mourning” the same funny problem as mine. We were amused about it. It seems like everybody is concerned of finding the right man for us. The only thing left that they haven't done is to put us in the marriage market in the literal sense of the word. In the Philippine society, when a woman reaches the age of 30, it is as if it is the time to send her to an emergency room. Time is ticking and she should find herself a husband.

If this was Spanish or American period in the Philippines, I am so sure that by the time I have reached the age of 25 then, I would be called a spinster. But at least they are now more forgiving with single ladies. This time at least when it is thirty years old. When you reach the proverbial thirty something, some people will undoubtedly ask you why aren’t you married at this age. Sometimes, I find it funny that many of my single friends share the same sentiments and funny stories as mine.

On occasions like weddings and baptisms or any family gathering for that matter, mark my word, someone is bound to ask you the question why aren’t you married yet. Our society seems to follow a sort of check list in order to belong to it. We were born first, then we reach puberty, adulthood, then it is expected that we get married. We have to leave a legacy in this world so we have children . And then, we die. (Okay, I sound so morbid with the last one, I know.) We have to follow those stages. It’s the natural order of things as some people would say. It’s a step by step process that society expects for us to follow.

When you’re single in a society that dictates double, sometimes things get nasty or yes, funny.

On gatherings such as weddings, birthdays and what have you, single ladies are almost readily paired with available single men. The son of a friend, the son of a neighbor, the cousin of a friend and so on. Sometimes, without being asked whether they would like to be paired at all. Believe me through the years, I’ve ALMOST memorize the lines before my relatives could even pair me with one. I really dont take it personally because their intentions might be for my own good but it still amuses me at no end. And by the way, if it’s any consolation, ALL my unmarried girlfriends have experienced the same thing one time or another.

Eventually, it has become a constant source of joke among ourselves.

The world is so busy finding the right man for us while we are so busy exploring earth and the universe beyond. I’m perfectly fine with being single just as I’m perfectly fine with being in a relationship. I know my time hasn’t come yet. There are adventures to experience and new horizons to discover. Earth is such a wonderful place despite of everything. One look at the sunrise makes me marvel about the beauty of our existence.

Yes, I am so busy appreciating life.

I’m never bored being single. Not once did it become my problem. Of course, I enjoy the company of a man and also develop interest in the male specie. Why not? the male species are fascinating albeit complicated sometimes. But to say I’m suicidal because I just turned 32 and unmarried? No sir, I am not. It will come in its own sweet time.

I really don't know.

Maybe tomorrow, next week, next year or maybe in the next five years or maybe ten years. Only God knows. But it will surely come. Period. For the meantime, society should stop expecting that I will go out of my way and hunt for the man of my dreams. He will come. In the right time, he will be there. And as what I jokingly tell my single girlfriends always, God provides. Ask and it will be given.

Being married is a blessing just as being single is also a gift.

Bread and Roses: Women Hold up Half the Sky

And I tell you, feminists do fall in-love……These words make me smile. There is something about it that captures my attention. It goes to say that in some ways I do belong to one of those untraditional women as what other people calls us. Why are we untraditional? Is it because we don’t fit the institutional stereotypes of women in the society? When a girl reaches the age of twenty something, people tend to ask the question when does she intend to marry, as if this is the only thing she wanted to do with her life. I don’t know why each time they ask this, I feel the urge to give a bombastic lecture. In times like this, I am always prepared to go into war. The animal instinct in me is awakened and I am tempted to practice my Pedro Penduko moves. I have to restrain myself and practice great patience. They don’t have the license to question my choices. I am still young and that I have a lot of things to do first. Time and again I always make it clear that I have nothing against the idea of marriage. It is sacred for me. I grew up in an environment where the concept of marriage and family are important. This is the reason why I just don’t want to make haste and plunge myself headfirst into marrying just about anybody who comes into my way. I'm maybe idealistic in some ways but I want to grow old graciously with the person that I intend to marry.

I want to enrich myself. Enjoy life. Learn new things. Study. Savor the beauty of nature. Paint my world in a kaleidoscope of dreams.

After all life is full of choices, it is not meant to be boring. If you choose to be different with the rest of the females out there, it’s a conscious choice. It is our choice.

I have read it somewhere that one should look the world straight in the eye. The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else. I agree.

I am not alone. A number of significant persons in my life share the same sentiments with me. My nanay is one of them. She is a perfect epitome of a woman full of strength and wisdom. Having been widowed at a young age, she struggled and successfully managed to send us all to school. I know that life for her was not that easy but she made it through the rain. I have to say that she is my living inspiration. Forgive me if I am biased but I think she is the best mother in the world.

March is a woman’s month. And there is nothing more fitting than to pay tribute and honor to the women in our lives. In the process of remembering and honoring our women, I would like also to express my appreciation to some of the other half of the population in this world. Sometimes they are referred to as “New Age men”. These are the men in our lives who shower us with love and affection, promote our advancement and never afraid to encourage us to reach our fullest potentials. They support our yearnings to explore the world and the endless opportunities it offers. They go by different names; father, husband, brother, son, boyfriend or simply a friend. I have known and met a number of men who fit this definition. I honestly love and admire them. They are in touch with their feminine side. Unconventional males. According to Julia Wood, a leading gender communication scholar, these are male feminists who think that in restricting men’s ability to understand and experience feelings , society has robbed them of an important aspect of what it means to be human. These are people who encourage men to get in touch with their feelings and to be more sensitive, caring and able to engage in meaningful close relationships.

Come to think of it, if all of my male friends are like them I don’t think I would have to go through lengthy explanations why we women spend much time to bond and talk about our feelings and emotions. Why we couldn’t just relax and hang out together like guys do. Why is there a need for us to do intense talking all the time. Why do we need to talk and pour our emotions. Unafraid of being transparent. Open and trusting without being naïve. We are realists. If we’re in-love, then we’re in-love. If we’re heartbroken, then we acknowledge the pain. If it hurts, it hurts. We are never afraid to acknowledge it. All it takes is a cup of coffee, a bar of chocolate and a good friend who cares to listen. Okey. Maybe we can add a box of tissue for a dramatic flair. And if that doesn’t help, a friend suggested that maybe a drink or two will do. The mere fact that you’re there, it’s already enough. We talk about it and after the storm, we move on. If we fell in-love and end up being hurt, so be it. It’s not easy to be heartbroken. It hurts like no other. Cry if you must. Shout if it helps to release the pain. But letting yourself bleed to death is another thing. Remember, according to Albert Schweitzer,

the tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.

When problems loom before us, what do we choose? Fight or flight? Choose the former and if you fail still, just think that sometimes we just have to learn some lessons in life the hard way. But life must go on. It doesn’t stop there.

Through the years, I have met inspiring women who make me feel that being a girl and a woman are one of the best things in life. My bestfriends, Nova, Wani, Heidee and my very own sister, Pearl. They are the likes of Gabriela Silang, Aung San Suu Kyi, Jane Godall and Oprah Winfrey, only younger. They are women of substance. Gentle in spirit but tough when the occasion calls for it. Beautiful inside-out and definitely successful in their chosen fields. Indeed, times have changed Some women have been stereotyped as an iron maiden. Does it follow that to be unfeminine means to be independent, competitive and tough? I don’t think so. Can’t a woman be beautiful and intelligent at the same time? Gentle yet tough at the same time? Women are perfect examples of grace under pressure. We are humans. Fully functional. We are rational beings and yes, I tell you, feminists do fall in love. Truly….madly…deeply…Believe me.

As we celebrate the International Women’s Month, let us make a difference. Stand up and be heard. Let them hear our voice. Ours is a continuing advocacy.

The ride ahead is still bumpy. Addressing the issues about the advancement of women and womancipation is still sorely lacking in other countries around the world. A lot is needed to be done. But hope springs well. I must agree and admit however that it is much easier to be a woman today. It’s the best time ever to be female, because we can have it all. We have real choices. We can be successful, have a good job, a family and at the same time enrich our lives in ways that celebrates the woman in us. This is not just an affirmation rather this is a reaffirmation of the significance of the persons who hold up half the sky. Breadwinners and fighters. These are stereotypes usually associated with men but today, it’s not an uncommon thing to hear these familiar words being attributed to women. I couldn’t agree more with Mao Tse Tung when he said that women hold up half the sky.

Each woman goes through the process of either being a friend, sister, daughter or a mother. No matter what category you fit into, celebrate the woman in you. Live. Love. Laugh. God has given us the ability to do certain things well. It is never too late to learn new things. Do something that makes you happy. Engage in volunteer works. Fall in-love. Have fun. Be funny. Be weird. Be who you wanted to be. Stand tall. Be heard. You are God’s masterpiece. Be proud, sister. The world is yours for the taking.

Happy International Woman’s Month.